My childhood was a bit strict but, I believe that it helped more than harm me. Now that I have my own little ones I understand my parents and their parenting style. It is very important to maintain some type of structure. As a teenager I hated it for sure. They still have me beat! I'm not as tough as they were 🙃. But I appreciate them daily.
Rules and order are a good thing. I would have appreciated a little order in my household growing up. Mine was very nonchalant, I really had to tell myself what to do and not do.
My childhood was very difficult. Although I think my parents were to strict I understand their reasoning. I was kidnapped as a child, around the age of eight, so I basically wasn't allowed out of their sight afterwards. This resulted in me being very introverted and not having any friends. I still have a difficult time making friends at 27 years old. And as soon as I turned 18 I rebelled. I was pregnant with my second child and married before I turned 21. Today I work hard to make sure my own children don't grow up the way I did.
I have to start by saying you are very brave. You are living proof that sheer determination exceeds all else! I realized as I got older my parent's reasoning for being strict made since because of their protective instincts. I believe it's biological. But, the impacts made me feel very restricted and isolated which had effects during my early adulthood.
My childhood has absolutely affected my behavior as an adult. Without going into too much detail because honestly it was painful, I will say that I was saved by the grace of God because no one and I mean no one had my best interest in their minds. The Lord truly raised me. I had to learn so much on my own, my "mom" was always working and "dad" was only around a few times a month and my "family" would say hurtful things to me so I would submit, it made me very independent and angry so I became combative with anyone because I would not tolerate anymore disrespect, but it was either that or drown, metaphorically speaking. I felt so lonely, so as an adult it is hard for me to trust people because if my own parents and family were neglectful to me, why would a stranger at school or work care for me. Now after learning and healing I know I can't place those actions unto other people but it is still hard it's almost reflexive how I become cold to people around me so I won't be hurt again. Everyday takes work to not return to those negative reactions but I will say it has truly made my stronger.
Growing up I had a pretty good childhood my mom was strict on me but also gave me room to grow up (rules were set in place). I have always had family around and a pretty good support system from certain people. Although my parents divorced when I was young that has affected me. It affected me in a positive and negative way. Now that I am a young adult I am glad my mother was that way with me because, I mature for my age. Although everything wasn't perfect growing up I am glad I had certain experiences. In my future I want to break certain "generational curses", now I am kind of big on that.
I also agree childhood, like environment and economic status does impact some facets of our behavior as we age and why its believed our caretakers are usually our " internal dialogue" up to the age we can critically think and build our own moral compasses. I will be honest in saying that up to a certain age ( sadly early puberty 9) I stopped being raised and was simply being criticized in my attempts to navigate, my self confidence shredded in a home full of women simply for being the last one to exist amongst them. There was absolutely no feminine guidance just very judgmental criticisms of what they considered "wrong" about me, helmed and exacerbated by my mother who id learned early had no familial allegiance to me if her own siblings were involved, a sentiment I didn't see expressed with my aunts and their daughters. We never lived alone, anyone who needed a place to stay was welcome until they were able to move forward at the expense of my mother never moving forward and me not even having my own living space (or own bed) until 15 which no one saw as odd because it had nothing to do with their end goals. One thing I've relearned in my Psychology class is that narcissist exist, especially in families and especially parents. I feel like I can write for eons and the thought of rehashing depresses me to the point of rage/anger because I understand what was being done now and cannot forgive it being done to me unprompted. I know what familial support looks like outside of the dynamics of my home and understand I severely lacked what others, even in my immediate family, were being given and it was fully intentional. Little Tiffany wasted so much time and effort trying to understand the adult women around her and why they were they way they were and how she could get them to like her for real and what thats done over time is made me empathetic and tolerant of others. What ive had to unlearn is that everybody isnt me and while yes empathy and tolerance are positive traits they can and will make me susceptible to advantageous people in my simple want for authentic community. Its damaged my sociability to the point I think no one feels the need to be authentic with me the way they would be with someone they were interested in. Theres , frustratingly, a complete imbalance of give and take in my romantic relationships that makes me end them because compromising on them has always led to an even further imbalance to the point i dont wish to be in one at all. Some mens mentality even when pursuing you is that you have to prove love by dealing with a bs and Im not about to struggle like that after being in that household. Im finally in a place im able to physically and verbally react to 2 decades of hurt , at an age and distance where most believe you either with "get over it or get frustrated" while having no comprehension of anything theyre lightly commenting on. More than anything I wish I could pay someone to erase my intrusive memories and replace them because they take up parts of my days without warning and I truthfully never want to give them my time or sit in them but they still happen.
My childhood has had a major impact on my adult life my grandmother died when I was eleven and my grandfather developed dementia when I was twelve. At thirteen I was sent away and sexually abused until sixteen I later found out his name is on my birth certificate his mother caught him and blamed me; I have never looked at people the same way. My children have never been able to experience daycare or camp because of my fears and worries of what could happen to them. I fear that because of experience I have sheltered them and turned them into introverts who can't explore and live a normal childhood I often fear that I will miss the signs or cry for help because I'm afraid of the what ifs and maybes.
Yes I believe your childhood impacted your behavior as a adult. It was a lot of things I saw and heard as a child that made me say i dont want this for me or my children if i ever have any. For example, I grew up in the projects. I mean the slums. Like while other children were out playing with buckets and pales, we were playing with crack pipes and beer bottles. I have so many stories i could tell. That was just something i didnt want for my children. I wanted them to be able to go in their own front yard and play in their sand box with their shovels and pales. I didn't want them to witness their friend being raped in the slide and couldn't tell anyone because they are scared. My childhood made me realize at an early age that the projects was something i never wanted for my children, Public housing, government assistance, and mental abuse was some things that made me look at life so different when i got older. I dont knock it nor do i knock anyone on it. Thats just something i didnt want for my family. So thats why i took took the 24hrs in a day that we all have and made sure atlease 16 of them Im on somebodies job.
Yes, as I feel I am just becoming a young adult at the age of 18 I feel that my childhood will and does impact my behavior as an adult today and as I continue through my adult life. My parents have instilled in me honesty and to treat others with respect. Everyday can be a struggle in todays society with social media, crime, drugs, and politics if you let it and I have to remember the important things in life and what they taught me.
I believe my childhood impacted my behavior as an adult. I grew up in foster care and bounced from home to home. I went through many experiences most children don't normally have to go through. Because of this, I feel like I am more understanding. Nothing is black and white for me and having security is extremely important to me as I never had it
My childhood was a bit strict but, I believe that it helped more than harm me. Now that I have my own little ones I understand my parents and their parenting style. It is very important to maintain some type of structure.
ReplyDeleteAs a teenager I hated it for sure. They still have me beat! I'm not as tough as they were 🙃. But I appreciate them daily.
Rules and order are a good thing. I would have appreciated a little order in my household growing up. Mine was very nonchalant, I really had to tell myself what to do and not do.
DeleteMy childhood was very difficult. Although I think my parents were to strict I understand their reasoning. I was kidnapped as a child, around the age of eight, so I basically wasn't allowed out of their sight afterwards. This resulted in me being very introverted and not having any friends. I still have a difficult time making friends at 27 years old. And as soon as I turned 18 I rebelled. I was pregnant with my second child and married before I turned 21. Today I work hard to make sure my own children don't grow up the way I did.
ReplyDeleteI have to start by saying you are very brave. You are living proof that sheer determination exceeds all else! I realized as I got older my parent's reasoning for being strict made since because of their protective instincts. I believe it's biological. But, the impacts made me feel very restricted and isolated which had effects during my early adulthood.
ReplyDeleteThank you for sharing.
My childhood has absolutely affected my behavior as an adult. Without going into too much detail because honestly it was painful, I will say that I was saved by the grace of God because no one and I mean no one had my best interest in their minds. The Lord truly raised me. I had to learn so much on my own, my "mom" was always working and "dad" was only around a few times a month and my "family" would say hurtful things to me so I would submit, it made me very independent and angry so I became combative with anyone because I would not tolerate anymore disrespect, but it was either that or drown, metaphorically speaking. I felt so lonely, so as an adult it is hard for me to trust people because if my own parents and family were neglectful to me, why would a stranger at school or work care for me. Now after learning and healing I know I can't place those actions unto other people but it is still hard it's almost reflexive how I become cold to people around me so I won't be hurt again. Everyday takes work to not return to those negative reactions but I will say it has truly made my stronger.
ReplyDeleteThank you for sharing. You have no idea how much you aspire others. Keep pushing and never give up.
DeleteWhat skills have you developed to help address your trust issues?
DeleteGrowing up I had a pretty good childhood my mom was strict on me but also gave me room to grow up (rules were set in place). I have always had family around and a pretty good support system from certain people. Although my parents divorced when I was young that has affected me. It affected me in a positive and negative way. Now that I am a young adult I am glad my mother was that way with me because, I mature for my age. Although everything wasn't perfect growing up I am glad I had certain experiences. In my future I want to break certain "generational curses", now I am kind of big on that.
ReplyDeleteI also agree childhood, like environment and economic status does impact some facets of our behavior as we age and why its believed our caretakers are usually our " internal dialogue" up to the age we can critically think and build our own moral compasses. I will be honest in saying that up to a certain age ( sadly early puberty 9) I stopped being raised and was simply being criticized in my attempts to navigate, my self confidence shredded in a home full of women simply for being the last one to exist amongst them. There was absolutely no feminine guidance just very judgmental criticisms of what they considered "wrong" about me, helmed and exacerbated by my mother who id learned early had no familial allegiance to me if her own siblings were involved, a sentiment I didn't see expressed with my aunts and their daughters. We never lived alone, anyone who needed a place to stay was welcome until they were able to move forward at the expense of my mother never moving forward and me not even having my own living space (or own bed) until 15 which no one saw as odd because it had nothing to do with their end goals. One thing I've relearned in my Psychology class is that narcissist exist, especially in families and especially parents. I feel like I can write for eons and the thought of rehashing depresses me to the point of rage/anger because I understand what was being done now and cannot forgive it being done to me unprompted. I know what familial support looks like outside of the dynamics of my home and understand I severely lacked what others, even in my immediate family, were being given and it was fully intentional. Little Tiffany wasted so much time and effort trying to understand the adult women around her and why they were they way they were and how she could get them to like her for real and what thats done over time is made me empathetic and tolerant of others. What ive had to unlearn is that everybody isnt me and while yes empathy and tolerance are positive traits they can and will make me susceptible to advantageous people in my simple want for authentic community. Its damaged my sociability to the point I think no one feels the need to be authentic with me the way they would be with someone they were interested in. Theres , frustratingly, a complete imbalance of give and take in my romantic relationships that makes me end them because compromising on them has always led to an even further imbalance to the point i dont wish to be in one at all. Some mens mentality even when pursuing you is that you have to prove love by dealing with a bs and Im not about to struggle like that after being in that household.
ReplyDeleteIm finally in a place im able to physically and verbally react to 2 decades of hurt , at an age and distance where most believe you either with "get over it or get frustrated" while having no comprehension of anything theyre lightly commenting on. More than anything I wish I could pay someone to erase my intrusive memories and replace them because they take up parts of my days without warning and I truthfully never want to give them my time or sit in them but they still happen.
My childhood has had a major impact on my adult life my grandmother died when I was eleven and my grandfather developed dementia when I was twelve. At thirteen I was sent away and sexually abused until sixteen I later found out his name is on my birth certificate his mother caught him and blamed me; I have never looked at people the same way. My children have never been able to experience daycare or camp because of my fears and worries of what could happen to them. I fear that because of experience I have sheltered them and turned them into introverts who can't explore and live a normal childhood I often fear that I will miss the signs or cry for help because I'm afraid of the what ifs and maybes.
ReplyDeleteYes I believe your childhood impacted your behavior as a adult. It was a lot of things I saw and heard as a child that made me say i dont want this for me or my children if i ever have any. For example, I grew up in the projects. I mean the slums. Like while other children were out playing with buckets and pales, we were playing with crack pipes and beer bottles. I have so many stories i could tell. That was just something i didnt want for my children. I wanted them to be able to go in their own front yard and play in their sand box with their shovels and pales. I didn't want them to witness their friend being raped in the slide and couldn't tell anyone because they are scared. My childhood made me realize at an early age that the projects was something i never wanted for my children, Public housing, government assistance, and mental abuse was some things that made me look at life so different when i got older. I dont knock it nor do i knock anyone on it. Thats just something i didnt want for my family. So thats why i took took the 24hrs in a day that we all have and made sure atlease 16 of them Im on somebodies job.
ReplyDeleteYes, as I feel I am just becoming a young adult at the age of 18 I feel that my childhood will and does impact my behavior as an adult today and as I continue through my adult life. My parents have instilled in me honesty and to treat others with respect. Everyday can be a struggle in todays society with social media, crime, drugs, and politics if you let it and I have to remember the important things in life and what they taught me.
ReplyDeleteI believe my childhood impacted my behavior as an adult. I grew up in foster care and bounced from home to home. I went through many experiences most children don't normally have to go through. Because of this, I feel like I am more understanding. Nothing is black and white for me and having security is extremely important to me as I never had it
ReplyDelete